Just Before the Anthology
by ASBusinessMagnet
Summary: MarrissaTheWriter Complete Anthology is nearing completion, but the whole project has been halting due to one co-author getting progressively worse. As such, the other co-author comes to help, but he doesn't know what the journey will entail. Formerly known as Violet and the Horrible Fanfic Writer v2.
1. Prologue

_Author's idiotisms: Hang on, let me copy and paste one former author's note. You'll have to get used to bits from my other fics being copied and pasted over. Erm... here's the one._

_"Anyway, at this point, I would like to thank the reviewer Turrislucidus for making me look at my own story from an entirely different perspective." Surprising how nothing had to be altered here, huh? Anyway, so I suppose this is... let's say "a really strange spinoff of Violet and the Horrible Fanfic Writer that has nothing to do with the original story except some of the main twists."_

* * *

Insane Guy of DOOM wasn't one easily amused.

This aspect of his personality was easy to figure out. The guy had two alternate selves, Sue Mary and MarrissaTheWriter, which were used to write stories that threw reality out of Earth's orbit into outer space, and wasn't a single bit amused when Superman's genitals were exposed or when Marrissa Roberts was impregnated by a robot and gave birth to a cyborg child.

Therefore, it is very interesting that the following news completely shocked him from head to toes.

For a context, these were the events which led up to him discovering the news.

It was August 31st, 2013. Insane Guy of DOOM was in his residence in Florida, gathering ideas for his current ongoing trollfic, Real Beauty. These ideas had numerous sources, mainly from acquaintances he had made when the MarrissaTheWriter stories were the hit of the time. ...Was it really two years ago? _Time sure flashes by when you don't care about it,_ the Floridan presumed and went on.

The first place where he stopped was The Half-World, a blog run by a man nicknamed Skepkitty. Skepkitty was no ordinary man - in fact, he didn't originally consider himself a man - and the blog was no ordinary blog. When Skepkitty found Marrissa, he had sided against her, giving the foundation for the group in the Marrissa stories known as the Falmer Trollz. However, as time went on, Skepkitty and Marrissa became more distant and ultimately Skepkitty had begun talking to Insane Guy of DOOM as if he was himself, not Marrissa.

Unfortunately, it turned out The Half-World wasn't the right place for inspiration. Skepkitty had begun taking on a story unrelated to anything Marrissa, and therefore nothing from the blog could be implemented into Real Beauty.

Thus, Insane Guy of DOOM moved onto the various profiles held by his other friend and result of the Marrissa escapades, ASBusinessMagnet. When he had found the stories, he sided with Marrissa, eventually beginning to produce Marrissa-like stories himself, starting with the OC that Marrissa had created for him, Principal Business Man. And as it would happen, the fifth and current story he was writing for his own version of Marrissa, Post-SCrash Session 3: Spectators of the Host, had updated. He began to read the new chapter, appropriately for Marrissa and her forged epicness labeled "A Timeless Account", but before he got too far in he was caught by the ending author's note.

_Seriously Written Note: While I am nowhere near done, the thing is that I have been feeling worse, and I don't think I will ever be done. It's such a pity, because I had really big plans for Marrissa, but since Gloria Deschanel said it is time for me, it is time for me. For what it's worth, I'll say one final word: goodbye, and see you on the other side, assuming there is even a "you" reading this right now._

_Could it be...?_ The trollfic writer quickly checked his email inbox, and it turned out that indeed, ASBusinessMagnet had passed on the FanFiction. Net email announcing the upload of the new chapter and attaching his own note and a Word document.

_Isn't it funny? That I joked about the Warweary Serket being killed in early 2015, and then will die before that date. That I joked about Homestuck being finished, and will never see it done. That I was planning on making this huge and awesome collection that was going to be called the MarrissaTheWriter Complete Anthology._

_The point I am writing to you is because of that last one. I want you to take this, and do whatever you please. I kind of had more time to write all the exclusives and stuff, since these past weeks I had to spend more time bed-ridden and could write more, but alas, it seems my time has run out._

_Please do not completely destroy the Marrissa legacy for me. Okay?_

_With one final goodbye,_  
_the Aperture Science Business Magnet (whatever that means)_

Now that you have all the required context, hopefully you can understand why Insane Guy of DOOM was in such a shock, and why will he be acting in similarly unprecedented-for-him ways in the following story.

* * *

\- iamnotAmarysue [IA] began pestering deadpanSnarker [DS] -

IA: Skep, this is very urgent  
DS: yes?  
IA: Business Man is dying  
IA: He posted a last note on Spectators of the Host and is saying goodbye to everyone  
DS: can we not tall about business mans fanfics?  
DS: im still trying to make it through the stupidest sequel  
IA: Goddammit, Skep  
IA: How do you not realize  
DS: listen we dont know the guy very well  
DS: like are you going to his funeral  
DS: didnt think so  
IA: Oh, whatever

\- iamnotAmarysue [IA] ceased pestering deadpanSnarker [DS] -

Like Insane Guy of DOOM, Skepkitty was also not moved by most things, including apparently that the lesser half of Marrissa had one leg in the grave, but just for the kicks, he decided to check the ending of Spectators of the Host. Sure, the note was there, but, after all, this was the Internet. Maybe Business Man was lying to get attention. No one could know for sure.

Skepkitty thus went to the fanfic he wanted to go to, Dibra, copy-pasted the entire story onto his new blog post and began typing the MST.

* * *

After posting the note, ASBusinessMagnet very slowly pressed the off button for his computer and climbed out of the office chair next to the computer and back to his bed. For the past few weeks, the pains - starting from his lungs and heart and progressively overwhelming his whole body - had gotten significantly worse, and he was glad he could take the two major things that he owned - his side of the Marrissaverse and the Lithuanian translation of Homestuck - off of him as he was entering the otherworld.

He had a vivid vision of the otherworld. Burning flames, robots screaming as they were tortured - after all, he didn't imagine he could be going to heaven. Though, perhaps God could troll him and put him in heaven anyway, since he had realized he was a sinful person et cetera.

But this thinking thing had gotten on really hard on him, and instead, while on his bed, he decided to pick up the book nearest to him, Čarlis šokolado rojuje. The name literally translated to Charlie in the Chocolate Heaven, but it was basically the Lithuanian version of the Charlie and the Chocolate Factory book, which he had endlessly parodied in Spectators of the Host.

Therefore, he opened the first page and started to read it, but couldn't make it past the first page before he dropped the book and passed out.

* * *

_Author's idiotisms (August 21, 2014): As you may have noticed, I changed the title of this story from Violet and the Horrible Fanfic Writer v2 to Just Before the Anthology. That's because while the premise was based on that of Violet and the Horrible Fanfic Writer, this is going to be an entirely different story with different main characters and different themes. I just had no way of knowing it beforehand. (By the way, the Anthology in question was a complete blast, and I'm finally glad this whole MarrissaTheWriter thing is off my shoulders.) Anyways, cheers, and keep reading._


	2. Admittance

Insane Guy of DOOM stepped out of the airplane and looked around.

The day was September 2, 2013, and he had finally landed himself in Kaunas, Lithuania, at least somewhat close to where ASBusinessMagnet supposedly lived.

The problem this time, however, was that the Floridan had no idea where precisely his trollfic comrade lived. Instead, though, he decided to, just by a map of Kaunas in Google Maps, explore the place. He first went to the long street with a bunch of trees on either side - the so-called "Laisvės alėja", or the Hall of Freedom - then to what appeared to be the largest building in the city, the mall named "Akropolis".

Of course, quite expectedly enough, he hadn't found anything, and instead aimlessly wandered the mall, not knowing a single word of Lithuanian.

And just when it seemed that he had traveled a fifth of the Earth's circumference for nothing, out of the blue, someone stepped up to him.

"Just where I would find a tourist, Marrissa."

"S-Skepkitty...?" The Floridan turned around to see the New Yorker, brought along by circumstances as fantastic as his own, who looked like a Komaeda cosplayer, green coat and white hair and all.

"Well, yeah. The point is, when I heard that you were seriously making the flight, I decided, you know what, to hell with it. Or to some Lithuania place."

"Skepkitty, but why?"

"Why? Well, maybe because my favorite trollfic writer won't be figuring out anything when he doesn't realize who he is searching for."

"Huh?"

"As I saw, the mission gets a hundred times easier once you figure out what his Lithuanian name is. Mind... an ugas? The hell is an ugas? And the best way I deciphered his surname is... Naruto is shit?"

"Skepkitty, I had no idea you were actually like this."

"Point is, I already found him. Just had a huge detour to his particular 500-inhabitant village, asked a few questions, and turns out he's here. In... Cow's Ass? Man, do Lithuanians suck with names."

"Skepkitty, you do realize that probably somewhere someone will make fun of your name."

"They won't, though."

"Huh?"

"New York is pretty much the center of the universe. Everyone around us adapts to us. No amount of nonsense on New York will be unacceptable for the rest of the universe; after all, New York is a model for everyone."

"Skepkitty, I think if people spoke English here, you would have already weirded them out."

"Nevermind me. Point is I already found him. Follow me."

The two Americans thus followed a route out of the Akropolis thing back into the streets of Kaunas and to the hospital for which you apparently needed to cross the river again, at which point Skepkitty began ranting again:

"What is even with this city to tack along two rivers? I understand, it's almost perfect that so far from America there are cities and rivers, but - most major cities tack along only one major river. You'll just end up having a city full of bridges. Which is what I'll probably call it. A City Full of Bridges. Those disgusted looks that I get when I say "Cow's Ass"... Oh, look, the building."

Thus, the two stepped into the hospital and were greeted by admittance.

"So, labas, we're here to meet that Mind... you know, that guy who came recently. From a village with a population of 500. Near Marry a Jammed Pole."

"Oh, that one. Follow me." The nurse said and led them deep into a building. When Skepkitty looked around, he immediately knew that he was looking at the correct guy.

"Too bad Google Translate won't pick up disease names, though."

"So..."

"So? I suppose you're going to sit there and wait until either he recovers or dies? You know that these things can take months - no, years to settle."

"Actually... I think I see something." Insane Guy of DOOM walked over to the bed with the comatose guy and picked up a book next to him. Though, Skepkitty immediately began reading and misunderstanding it.

"Charlis shock-o-lad-o... Since when do Lithuanians speak Irish? ...ro-juju... Now Homestuck is in this horseshit?"

As Skepkitty said that, the two Americans walked back past several other bridges into the local hotel.

"And what are you going to do?"

"You know, he needs to finish Spectators of the Host..."

"While being half-dead. Got it. And then what if he remains half-dead long enough for us to forget Marrissa?"

"Well... can't we follow him into the dream world?"

"Now, more pseudoscience."

"Well, at least we know this book has to do something with it." Insane Guy of DOOM said and added an inconsequential note: "I'll pay for the room."

Eventually, the two Americans got into the hotel room and began reading the book.

"In this book you will meet five children: AUGUSTĄ GLUPĄ, whatever the hell those tails on letters do, a real fattie - presumably like Marrissa..."

"Marrissa's not fat, Chell is!"

"VERUKĄ SOLT, a parent-spoiled girl because Lithuanian needs to ruin all the _precious structures_ of English... VIOLETĄ BORIGARD, a sworn gum chewer..."

"Violet Beauregarde! How could I have forgotten! The one with a chewing gum company from Spectators of the Host!"

"For the last time, we are not bringing Business Man's stories in."

"But this is kind of his life."

"Doesn't matter. MAIKĄ TIVI, a television fan... and ČARLĮ BAKETĄ, this book's hero."

"Superhero Charlie Bucket!"

"Dammit, don't make me stop helping you. Okay, so the point is we figured out nothing. Now let's go back to the hospital and leave the book to Business Man."

"Alright, I will, but walking around Cow's Ass that much has apparently set the sun."

"Time sure does fly fast when you don't care about it. Anyway. Good night."

"Good night."

And with that exchange, the two Americans shut off the lights and went to sleep.

* * *

_Author's idiotisms: Vitriolic best buds there, right? Yeah? Am I right? Yeah? Yeah?_


	3. Insanity

Insane Guy of DOOM looked around. This seemed to be a sterile place, but nothing like the hospital in Cow's Ass... Kaunas. Despite that, he couldn't quite put his finger on what the place was...

...that is, until he found a broken computer chassis in the center.

Then he slowly began to realize what jam he was into. He saw a skeleton, another broken personality core, and two people in orange, one of which had her lower back partially cut off. The blood had hit a glass elevator, which the other person entered and disappeared in.

_I... is this ITS MY LIFE!?_ The main orchestrator of this scene wondered, but then noticed someone behind him.

"That made as much sense here as it did on the paper."

"Skepkitty, I don't think you should have followed me-"

"But I did. Because you still haven't found Business Man in the dream world."

"This... is the dream world?"

"Well, yeah. I don't think the events of It's My Life happened in the real world."

"But then, if this is all within my mind, surely you don't exist?"

"I've been wondering the same thing. After all..." Skepkitty trailed off as she noticed that the remaining test subject had put one of the computers in the place where her bottom used to be.

"Goddammit, CHELLGaDOS."

The two visitors then ran next to the elevator, as CHELLGaDOS began reforming Aperture Laboratories... Portal Labs to her image.

Just as they got out one of the walking turrets to defend themselves, the time machine elevator opened again and revealed the other person in orange - who, as should be obvious to anyone who read ITS MY LIFE!, is Marrissa Roberts - walked out, and noticed that turrets were shooting at her behind her back. When she ran off, leaving the two visitors to safety, they entered the time machine elevator.

"This thing really wasn't designed to hold two people in."

Skepkitty then glanced over the time machine's keypad.

"So, where are we going to?"

"Don't ask me, I've no idea where Business Man is. I swear, half of this mission is figuring out where Business Man is."

"Let's try something different." Skepkitty pulled away the time machine's numeric keypad and revealed a different keypad with the four cardinal directions: up, down, left and right.

"And we're going..."

"Up. Out of Portal Labs. Business Man obviously isn't in Portal Labs."

"Actually, he's in Portal High School."

"Portal High School! How could I have forgotten. Wonderful. Let's go there instead."

"Wait, nevermind. That wouldn't be him." Insane Guy of DOOM realized.

"So do you want us to go or not?" Both the Americans felt their voice rising against each other.

"I don't know, well-"

"You're the one who wants to meet him."

"Well, yeah, but this is getting nowhere, what with us arguing and about to fight-"

"Oh, you wanna fight? Well, I may have been born a girl, but I can kick ass just as any man could." Skepkitty finally punched Insane Guy of DOOM, landing him on the keyboard and accidentally activating the machine.

"Oh, god dammit." Skepkitty continued.

"Now let's pray we'll get to where Business Man is."

"That's... actually a good idea. Friends?"

"Friends." The two Americans held hands as the time machine took them to the destination."

* * *

The time machine started shutting off and opened, revealing a fairytale factory.

"Oh, look at that. The 2005 Charlie and the Chocolate Factory movie. Just perfect." Skepkitty started again.

"Well, if our hopes were fulfilled... does that mean that Business Man wants to spend time with Charlie and Wonka in the poor man's house?" Insane Guy of DOOM wondered as they were walking along the street and saw a poster on one of the poles.

"_Dear people of the world._ Well, guess not." The Floridan went on.

"I swear, if you keep doing inconsequential things I'll-" Skepkitty wanted to say...

* * *

"-I'll... what?"

...when he woke up, by the action also raising his compatriot.

"You'll... wait, so you did have a dream with the Chocolate Factory movie."

"Yup. Nice to actually establish dream world rules. We do share the dream, and by all likelihood Business Man does too."

"Nice catch on this one..."

"But you see, I won't stay with you forever, as I have college to attend, so I will be heading back to New York... Massachusetts, and to do that I'll apparently have to fly backwards east to Will in Us. So, good riddance and may you get your stupid trollfic chapters I won't be MSTing anyway." Skepkitty stood up and left the hotel room.

"Oh, for all that should be loved, Skep."

Insane Guy of DOOM sat there, drinking it all in.


	4. Introduction

Well, hello. I guess I'm Violet Beauregarde, but really that's only because I have no idea who else I could be.

The thing with me? Let's say there are two things with me. First and foremost, I chew gum. Like, every day. Of course, there is one big difference between me and other people. Other people chew gum for a while, notice the taste is gone, and drop it, while I decided to carry on once and got to three months. That's apparently a record.

Which leads to the second thing: I love to win. I already have two hundred-something things won, and I plan on not stopping, ever.

Which leads to the point of my story. See, this Willy Wonka guy announced to people of the world that he was giving a tour of his chocolate factory for five children who find these Golden Ticket things, and one of them was to get a special prize beyond anything you can ever imagine. Seriously. Stop trying to imagine anything more awesome than that special prize.

And so, what could I do. My mother and I went to wherever and got a whole bunch of Wonka bars for this contest thing.

For a while, it was a spectacular failure for me. I swear, I had already gotten ten other trophies and was still failing myself, while the news started reporting on the first two winners, a plain fattie Augustus Gloop who was bound to win anyway and a spoiled brat Veruca Salt who got her dad to get his workers to find the ticket, so she was basically cheating.

And then, be it through immense luck or whatever, I had gotten the ticket. That immediately became a hit for everyone around, as I smiled towards _everyone_, especially the general public via newspapers and TV, got to remember the precise number of things that I had won (263) and got everyone to announce that these other two kids don't stand a chance against me and that the special prize is mine.

Years from now, people will be speaking of Violet Beauregarde, the CEO of Beauregarde Chewing Gum Industry- wait, nevermind, that was me trying to imagine something more awesome than that _special prize_. _Nothing_ can beat the special prize. That's the way special prizes beyond anything you can ever imagine work. Really basic stuff. Special Prizes beyond Anything You Can Ever Imagine 101.

At any rate, I still had heard of a fourth Golden Ticket winner, almost immediately after me. His name was Mike Teavee, and he was probably not even raising his ass from his couch to go to the factory while I was the opposite, karate-chopping everything I see everywhere I go and somehow winning things I don't even know the names of, because that's how my life is. No matter what it is, I have to win it.

And then... silence in the air. For an entire week.

Eventually, after long enough waiting, February 1st, the supposed day of the tour, came. It would finally be a break I really needed, as I would totally ace Wonka's tour (or whatever is there to ace) and at the same time get ready to kick more ass elsewhere. Therefore, I really prepared how to take out the journalists. Having them in my home is fine, but having to go through them to simply go to the airport - I swear, during that week they stayed in the home and blocked my way out. So that... was a problem.

But eventually we came to the airport and headed for the international field trip that everyone else surrounding me (without my mother, but she's cool and won some baton thing anyway) missed out on. That... is going to be a separate story.

* * *

_Author's idiotisms: Chapter. You mean a separate chapter._


	5. Guest

Insane Guy of DOOM had chosen to remain in Kaunas. Even without Business Man to look after, a cultural insight into the Lithuanians was worthwhile and potentially could spawn a Real Beauty idea or two.

However, there were several fundamental problems with staying in a major city in a foreign country. Most notably, places took forever to get to by foot.

But, if it wasn't enough, you couldn't just buy a ticket for public transport because the people behind it didn't know English as well as the receptionists.

That being said, you couldn't rent a bike either.

Or rent a car.

Or call a taxi.

Luckily, though, the Akropolis building was the one place where you could stay and take a breath of Lithuanian culture, so the trollfic writer chose to stay there.

As long as he stayed here, he never could pick up the Lithuanian language. Even the simplest phrases like the translations of "hello" and "thank you" evaded him, and it's not like he was very much willing to look them up in Google Translate, as his former flatmate had.

Eventually, the day passed without the trollfic writer having a full conversation in English (even trollficese would have been preferable, but there was no luck in meeting fellow trollfic writers either) and when it was time to return to the hotel room, he felt more distraught than ever.

* * *

"How many times had I told them: no more Chocolate Factory movies. Nope! Another one of these distorts my precious characters more."

Both the Americans found themselves together next to the place where they had met last. Upon arrival, they immediately noted that someone must have said this, but before that they noticed that they were still next to each other.

"Oh, damn dream geography."

"Indeed."

They turned back to the stranger. They immediately noted that since he knew of the Chocolate Factory movies, he could really help them.

"Huh. So who would you be?" Skepkitty asked.

"Roald Dahl. I wrote the Chocolate Factory book."

Neither of the arrivees was particularly fond of Roald Dahl, so they didn't make a big deal out of it, so Dahl could continue as they all went to his home near the factory.

"Especially Violet. Other writers never believe that indeed chewing gum is bad enough of a trait in and of itself, and have created their own versions of Violet. The version where she is pushy and arrogant, the version where she is an aspiring champion, the version where she is a showoff..."

"...Violet Beauregarde, the CEO of Beauregarde Chewing Gum Industry..." The Floridan inserted.

"When did that happen?" Dahl wondered.

"Some story named Spectators of the Host. You might want to look into it."

"Well, if it helps me, okay. But you see, it's too much pressure for me - and it's too much pressure for Violet. In this particular instance she began acting ever-so-slightly differently. You may not notice it, but, as her creator, I do."

The two Americans began exchanging their own insights, starting with Skep. "So Dahl here says she's possessed, and we hope we got to where Business Man is."

"And since being an outsider who doesn't get into the factory wouldn't make sense for him, that must mean..."

"Got it."

"What are you discussing?" Dahl inquired.

"Uh, I think we will look into your problem with... Violet, but to do that, we'll need to get into Wonka's tour." The Floridan said.

"Get into Wonka's tour... Since you're trying to be so helpful, I think I got something for you." Dahl noticed a case full of Wonka's Golden Tickets and picked out two of them.

"I'll want you to call yourselves by these names. They were in the previous versions of my story, but they eventually didn't make it in. Miranda Piker and Marvin Prune."

"Miranda Piker..." The Bay Stater wondered.

"And Marvin Prune."

"Excuse me, I think we're on a misunderstanding here. You see, I'm actually a guy and..."

"You're a guy." Dahl batted an eye at the transgender man.

"That's a thing in the future. I'm a guy with a girl's parts."

"That's... actually one of the sins that would be making it in if I wrote Chocolate Factory now."

"What's wrong with being transgender?" The trollfic writer asked.

"The thing when you are a guy with a girl's parts has a name."

"As does the thing where you don't accept that. Transphobe." Skepkitty snapped and left, with Insane Guy of DOOM following.

* * *

"Well, we still have these tickets, so we might as well head to the factory... Marvin." Skepkitty, supposedly Miranda, commented.

"Miranda."

The two Americans, with the assistance of the local police, were able to find where the other five contestants were, and were patient enough to wait for 10 AM.

...The same couldn't be said for Veruca, who demanded: "Daddy, I want to go in."

"Veruca, sweetheart, it's 9:59." her father responded. Both the newcomers thought: _9:59? Well, whew. We barely made it._

"Make time go faster."

Immediately after that, Business Man- I mean Violet's mother reassurred everyone that Violet is getting the prize or something, and Charlie wondered if Wonka will recognize Grandpa Joe, you know, the usual things that happen in the movie, except with two additional people standing and holding hands, knowing they are at this together.

The gates to the factory finally opened, and all twelve people walked in. As a reminder, there being twelve people is normal, and you should not bat an eye at it.

And then, after Wonka briefly introduced the visitors to his own little world, the show began.

* * *

_Author's idiotisms: *quickly tunes to the author's idiotisms of Calliope and the Final Update* Andrew Hussie, Andrew Hussie, the webcomic pioneer! Andrew Hussie, Andrew Hussie, everybody give a cheer!_


	6. Kickstart

_Author's idiotisms: And the up-date, here it is! (backup music)_

* * *

"It's that puppet show, right?" Skepkitty immediately wondered as the curtains revealed ecstatic puppets ready to sing to the tune that played.

"Hmm." Insane Guy of DOOM wondered, but then the song began.

_Hee hee, ha ha, ho ho ho!  
Willy Wonka, Willy Wonka, the amazing chocolatier_  
_Willy Wonka, Willy Wonka, everybody give a cheer (Hooray!)_  
_He's modest, clever and so smart_  
_He barely can constrain it_  
_With so much generosity_  
_That there's no way to contain it_  
_To contain it_  
_To contain, to contain, to contain_

"No, that's it." Skepkitty stepped up to the pedestal on which the puppet show took place.

"No, dude, stay put." Insane Guy of DOOM wanted to stop him, but he was already kicking every puppet and watching as the electric current blew it off the factory limits.

_Willy Wonka, Willy Wonka, he's a genius who just can't be beat_  
_Willy Wonka, Willy Wonka, he's the one that you're about to meet_

By now only the main vocals were present, with all the backup instruments shut down, and children of the world were staring in awe at the puppets dropped in their vicinity.

_A magician and a chocolate whiz_  
_The best darn guy who-_

At last Skepkitty was done, but he couldn't count on what followed:

"Willy Wonka, here he is!" finally a man showed up to finish the song with a slight melody, after Skepkitty had destroyed all the puppets.

"Well, that's one mystery solved, Willy Wonka. Now, to continue the introductions, I would be-"

"Good morning, starshine, the earth says hello!"

Skepkitty had no other choice. Standing on the pedestal, he knocked Wonka off and began his own show.

"So, as you can see, this irrelevant loser who happens to be Willy Wonka is gone. Now, everyone will begin the introductions. I would be Miranda Piker, and the guy with me would be-" Skepkitty wasn't allowed to finish as now _he_ was toppled by Wonka's cane.

"We'll introduce ourselves later. I shake you warmly by the hand, et al. Chocolate doesn't wait."

The ones with the most questions in their eyes were quite obviously Charlie and his grandfather. _Who did this Miranda girl and her boyfriend rip off anyway? Weren't there very clearly five tickets?_ But alas, the tour went on and the entire troupe found itself...

...blocked by more of those puppets.

"Miranda, expert destruction skills?" Wonka asked.

"Sure thing." Skepkitty replied and threw a broken puppet so hard it rolled over the red carpet. Then, the troupe finally could walk in, and the doors closed, once again shutting off Wonka's secrets from everyone.

* * *

"Just drop your coats anywhere." Wonka greeted everyone into the factory, but he was clearly not prepared for the genius skills of Skepkitty which can improve anything, from a terrible Invader Zim fanfic to a children's classic with two screenings.

That is, Skepkitty threw his coat through the door, opening it, and outside the factory.

"Oh, that reminds me - I kept that door locked so the secrets wouldn't get away. After all, I don't want to be shut down a second-"

"Mr. Wonka, I'm Violet Beauregarde."

Finally Insane Guy of DOOM had something to say. "Her line, amirite?"

"Keep the MSTing to me."

"If you would stop babbling, that would be fi-" Wonka wanted to say, but had come to the conclusion that he had too many guests as the other girl stepped up to him:

"I'm Veruca Salt. It's very nice to meet you, sir."

"I'll admit, this movie is passing faster than I-"

"I always thought that a verruca was a kind of wart you got on your foot. Ha!"

"...expected."

"Dude, Wonka said, shut up." Insane Guy of DOOM finished and waited for the third kid to introduce himself.

"I'm Augustus Gloop. I love your chocolate."

Everyone then just knew they gave up on this... well, everyone except Wonka. "I can see that. So do I. I never expected us to have so much in common."

"I actually would have liked your chocolate too... were I able to find it on the stores." Skepkitty began his comments again.

"Wasn't the 1971 brand actually on sale?"

"Anyway. Give it up for Wonka again."

"Thank you, Miranda. This one over here would be Mike Teavee. The little devil who cracked the system. And the rest of you?"

"Well, I'm Miranda Piker, but you already know this, and my "boyfriend" is Marvin Prune."

"Nice to meet you. Too bad I don't have an impression on Marvin. Though, this little child... I know he got lucky."

"You don't have to get lucky for those kind of things."

"And the rest of them are their p... p..."

"Parents. Yes, but you see, and let me read the ticket: "You're allowed to bring one member of your family to look after you." Are allowed. Not are obliged or something like that."

"I don't even think you are children, Miranda and Marvin. Anyway. As I said before, chocolate doesn't wait. So let's go, shall we?"

"I'm fine."

Thus, the troupe finally moved forward on to the tiny door, but not before a few incidents where Skepkitty had to steal Augustus's chocolate bar and then the entire Veruca away so certain scenes couldn't happen.

Finally, the karmic punishments took it up with Skepkitty as he slammed into the wall.

"Yup, let's make a door we can't even fit through."

"Yeah, Wonka, why is the door so small?" Mike asked.

"To keep all the good chocolatey flavor inside."

"Oh, so now your chocolate _and_ your secrets will get out. Well, alright. Let's get this rolling then." Skepkitty finally said as the Chocolate Room was revealed before the troupe.

* * *

_Author's idiotisms: Oh, and take a wild guess where I'm looking for Chocolate Factory quotes now._

_You give up?_

_The first Violet and the Horrible Fanfic Writer story._


	7. Never

"Oh hell no." Skepkitty was the first to react to the near-paradise made of candy and chocolate that Wonka revealed.

"What's the matter, Ske... Miranda?" Insane Guy of DOOM wondered.

"Oh hell no." Skepkitty repeated. "I'm not going here. Count me out. Continue without me." He was already heading backwards to the entrance.

"I don't know about you, but Business Man is still on the tour."

"Alright, fine." Skepkitty turned around to look at the supposed paradise and couldn't help but think that the chocolate river wasn't truly made of chocolate, but instead of... you know.

The smell, though, couldn't be mistaken for anything other than chocolate. So distinctly sweet and distracting, even annoying, and Wonka reassured everyone that not only the river and the waterfall were pure chocolate, but everything else in the room was edible. This had different effect on everyone: Augustus, for example, had dropped the Wonka bar that he carried with him before, and now was willing to try everything that there is. Each other kid and parent had picked out their favorite treats of the unending sweetness cornucopia, and the only person who somewhat shared the attitude of the two strangers was Mr. Salt.

"You seem to be frozen in place." Mr. Salt commented on the couple, which was not up to doing anything.

"Well, it seems that there is too much for me to destroy." Skepkitty shot out.

"I see, Miranda."

"For the last time, I am not Miranda and I am not a girl."

"What do you mean, you're not a girl? So soft and sweet-voiced... you must be a girl."

Insane Guy of DOOM quickly signaled to Skepkitty, and he immediately corrected himself: "I'm sorry... the things I say when I'm captivated by _how much this chocolate room SUCKS._"

Just then, Skepkitty felt an apple hit his face. He turned around to see Violet, on the other side of the river, who apparently wanted to get rid of the apple and went back to chewing her gum. What was with her and that particular piece of gum anyway?

"Oh no you don't, Business Man, I know you're there... behind the exact appearance and demeanor of Violet Beauregarde from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory." Skepkitty felt like saying while throwing the apple back to Violet's direction.

"Stop! You'll blow _our_ super-intelligent cover."

At that time, the two had gotten the attention of Violet's mother. She asked: "Excuse me, Violet Beauregarde from _what? _That didn't sound like the name of me and... you know..."

"No." Skepkitty began explaining. "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. Charlie being the..."

"_Enough._" Insane Guy of DOOM demanded and pulled Skep away from the scene of Violet's mother, where she was met by Veruca's father. The two, even though Violet's mother was still thinking over the incident with the two strange people, smiled at each other, and a wonderful moment thus was had.

* * *

"Wow." Insane Guy of DOOM summarized the entire experience. "It's, like, Business Man is right here, and yet still far away..."

"Hey, look, that boy is drinking straight from the chocolate river!" Skepkitty shouted. As in an echo, Mrs. Gloop followed: "Augustus, my child, that is not a good thing to do!"

Wonka also got into the echo. "Little boy? My chocolate must be untouched by human hands!" However, it was already too late; Augustus, soon after this comment, fell into the chocolate river and emerged covered in chocolate.

"Most wonderful echo I've ever heard, if you ask me." "Marvin" commented.

"So, what were you saying about the Oompa-Loompas again?" "Miranda" inquired. However, the Oompa-Loompas were in the interest of literally no one else around, as everyone watched the chocolate boy get caught by a whirlpool that was caused by a giant pipe, and subsequently being sucked into the pipe in question.

"There he goes." Violet commented, but not before Skepkitty could point out: "Cut it already!"

As each tour member had their own opinion of what was going on with Augustus (his mother, obviously, was the most terrified), the Oompa-Loompas began planning their own thing. When enough of them gathered, Veruca asked: "What are they doing?"

Wonka, being the truthful host of his factory, began answering: "I believe they're going to treat us to a little song..."

"_Not under my watch._" Skepkitty found himself running across the scene, trying to get rid of as many Oompa-Loompas as possible, while the beat continued to develop. And, just as the lyrics were to start, he started singing his own song:

_Reality slips far away  
Fiction comes alive, we start to play it  
Hope is no more, behind a closed door  
As we drift away from where we were before_

* * *

_Break through the confusion  
Find a solution  
Beat the twisted evil things  
Just do it, go for it  
Never  
(Got to believe, let's keep the hope alive)  
_

With these words, Skepkitty concluded his performance. Wonka, living with his own metaphor of what music was supposed to be, just "o-mouthed" at the unfamiliar style, while Insane Guy of DOOM let out a few slow claps.

"Hey, you're not GLaDOS here, stop that." Skepkitty shouted to him from atop the waterfall.

"You're not her either."

"So am." Skepkitty stepped down from the waterfall in front of his MST subject.

"So are not."

"Better say a farewell to Augustus. Join me!"

"Farewell, Augustus." Veruca was the only person to follow Skepkitty, for her own motives; the more people were out, the more chance she had of winning.

"Ugh, and now where we're supposed to go? The only door here leads back to the entrance." To Skepkitty, this quest had become increasingly pointless.

"Look over there." Insane Guy of DOOM pointed towards a bright pink dot on the chocolate river, which was getting closer. As the object approached, it turned out to be something Skepkitty thought he'd never see in real life.


End file.
